It's 7am on Saturday morning; Alexcia and I are wide awake. She has already eaten and been changed- She is now ready for the world. I play with her for a while then I set her in her crib while I shower. It was a big day as we would be buying Alexcia's first Christmas tree. Alex played with her and took care of her while I did some light housework in preparation for the tree (it made no sense to really clean since the tree was going to make a mess when bringing it in.) As is usual when trying to leave the house with a baby, she fell asleep right before we were about to leave, then awoke only 10 minutes out the door, screaming to be fed. We finally successfully made it to the stores and then the tree lot. Once we got home, hunger crankiness kicked in and the typical Holiday Bah Humbug attitude kicked in- you know the one where you curse the tree when bringing it in, and the dog is jumping all over the place getting in the way because the lights apparently cause her neurosis, and to top it all off while Alex fought with the lights outside, I dropped and broke two glass ornaments... And after fighting the holiday crowds at the stores, Christmas cheer had somehow been forgotten- even our trip to Starbucks was cause for complaint.... But as I looked over at my little bundle in her crib; squealing in delight as her monkeys circled overhead, I was suddenly reminded of the true meaning of Christmas and Life itself.
In a single crucial moment I was humbled. I felt so ashamed to have been complaining that we hadn't yet bought our presents for everyone, or that we couldn't find parking and the baby needed a diaper change, or pointing out that Costco had the camera I'd been wanting to photograph the baby on sale... I realized in that split second that I was so lucky to have a warm home for my baby, that she wants for nothing and all her needs are met. That she has two loving parents, a puppy who desperately awaits for her to be old enough to play with her, a family who loves her, friends and a surrogate family who have so graciously and kindly opened their hearts to her... I walked over to Alexcia, and picked her up- We stood in front of the finished tree and as she admired the lights and coo'd, a children's choir on one of my Christmas Cd's played "Joy to the World." And I felt so thankful, and so overjoyed to have Alexcia this Christmas, but simultaneously so heartbroken knowing that there were 20 families in Conneticut who won't have their babies with them this year, whose lives have been horrifically changed forever.
I remembered the fear I had been struck with when I was delivering Alexcia and knew how early she was; how I prayed to God everytime I came home from the NICU that he watch over her and that she would come home soon.
We all go through something at one point or another in our lives where we are humbled and taught to be grateful for what we have, but once we overcome; we so quickly forget. Alex came back in the house and found me crying for those families and we both vowed at that moment that no matter how inconvenient and imperfect the holidays become; we need to remember that we have each other and we have a perfect, healthy, beautiful angel in a world where too many parents have lost theirs.
So this holiday season and always I implore you to remember to cherish and love your little ones, and to send a prayer, wether religious or not, to all those families who have lost their precious children this year in Conneticut, Portland, Colorado, and all those other unnecessary and tragic incidents.
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